Now Listening: James Taylor – Fire And Rain
Mood: In need of more coffee
It’s Monday. First day of school for many people here and around the place. I’m iffy, once again mildly regretting that my past years in college were spent with friends and not in the studies. The memories are tinged with rose-colored feelings of belonging. I was the proverbial Man of the Crowd, unable to stand being alone after my years in high school of self-induced hermit-ship. The need to belong has haunted me for years; the desire to be alone has ruined more than one friendship.
But then, aren’t we all like that? Those two sides, constantly tearing on our hearts and wanting no compromise. Our minds racking themselves, trying (hoping) to come to grips with these seesawing bi-polarisms, knowing we can achieve peace if we only had either. Or both.
Am I angry at myself for the time spent? No, not really. It was well spent with friends and general acquaintances. The times I goofed, the times I laughed, the times I talked. I don’t regret those times that much. I miss them terribly, though. I wish I spent more time with those people. But they were transients, and so was I.
I wish I knew where most of them are. If they’re alright. Give me some sense of closure with all those thoughts I have with them. Maybe now, maybe later, I will know.