So we ate at a local diner, something that he never experienced before. As we feasted on hamburgers and fries (both he said were very good), he told me about his home world. And answered as many questions as he could.
“Yes,” he said, after sipping his drink, “our kind are very loving, very freindly. We love each other and call ourselves brothers. Sons of the Great Father, the Horned One.”
“Horned one?” I suddenly got a bit scared.
He must have picked up on my reaction, because he chuckled that rich deep chuckle he has. “I do not mean your representation of evil, no no. I mean the Father of the Bulls. His name is most holy, only used in ceremonies done in his name. We give him…” he paused as he sought the right word, “…nicknames as of not to cause mistakes.” He helped himself to a plate of onion rings that the waitress put on the table. “Mmm, how delicious.”
“First time here,” I explained to the waitress, whose eyes flickered towards the hat and the coat, nodded, and left the table.
He looked at her for a moment, then leaned towards me. “Forgive me, Thomas, but what is that? I’m thinking, but I cannot bring a proper word to it.”
“She’s a waitress.”
“She?” He paused. “As in…female?”
“Of course,” I said, picking up a ring and squirting ketchup on it. “Don’t you have any females on your planet?”
“Only in animals. Not of us.”
He sighed, pushed away his plates, and started his tale.
“Long ago, during the War of Min’Alchune, when the Church of Night fought the Church of Day, one of Night’s minions fell in love with one of Day’s. He renounced his ways in front of the Grand Counsel, the story goes, and joined his mate.
“For the counterstroke, the Counsel sent one of their most gifted generals, the Creator, to–”
“Au’Toms was his name.” He made some sort of sign, possibly against evil. “Legend states that he could make anything. During the height of the War, he commanded armies of mechanical undead and made horrible automations of destruction.” He shivered. “But we are changing the subject,” he said as he helped himself to another hamburger that was placed in front of him. “The Counsel commanded him to create a plague to destory the city’s females as a show of power against the minion. However, the plan went wrong.”
“The opposition found out what was going on. The sent their own generals against them on the day that the plague was to be released, and they failed in the attempt. It was then that the Churches found out the truth about the minion.”
“What do you mean?”
He paused for a moment, trying to look for the phrase. “He was…homosexual.” He paused akwardly. “I do not know if that is the proper word. His mate was male.”
“Yeah, that’s the word.”
“Back then, even to hint someone was that was punishable by death. Both of the Churches therefore assumed that the mate was female. Of course, the Church of Day branded him and was going to kill him. But they had the plague to deal with first.
“Even the Creator did not know how virulent the plague was, nor how quickly it was going to spread. By the next morning all of the region was infected. By the end of the month, it was the continent. The next month and all of the world was without females.”
“It becomes worse. Early on, it mutated with another virus floating around, a native one that was found in various areas. The mutated plague infected the men, turning them into horrible parodies of themselves, filled with urgant lusts. And of course, they couldn’t use women, so they used themselves. It was about this time that He appeared.”
He nodded and began sipping his drink. “Yes. He appeared soon after the plague ravaged the world, helping to rebuild. He sealed up the Grand Counsel and helped both churches towards a better understanding of the new life that was forced upon them. With his guidence, he spread peace and love among all.”
“And the minion?”
He shrugged. “No one knows. Our scholars think he was destroyed in the war alongside his mate, but there is no proof to it.”
“Oookay, that explains a bit,” I said, attacking my now cold food, “but now I have to ask how you propagate.”
“Yeah, like, how do you have kids? I assume your parents are guys, right?”
“Correct Thomas, my parents are of the male sex.”
“Then how do you have kids?”
“Whenever a Bull and his mate wish to have a child, they go to a breeding tank. Then they-”
“A what?!” I exclaimed.
“A breeding tank, Thomas. They get into it and…well, it is complicated. The fusion of genetical information, the long incubation process, all of it I do not understand really.” He stretched, scratching his sides in satisfation. “Ahhh, that was a wonderful meal. Can we come back later?”
I was about to answer when the waitress came back with the bill. I took it and freaked out. “Dude! You had all this?!”
The bill covered five hamburgers, mine included, a big order of fries, two orders of onion rings, and lots of other stuff. I glared at my companion, who smiled widely.
“We Bulls have huge appetites.”